Why…So…Serious? ( in my best Joker voice)

 

 

So today’s rant is about how I think we need to just be more positive and stop complaining about things. Which is actually ironic as I am in fact complaining about the complainers. 🙂 Enjoy.

People in general, these days are too damn sensitive. Every glance or sound or mishap which is undoubtedly a mole hill in the beginning immediately becomes a mountain. I’m particularly talking about all you miserable middle-aged folks out there. Now….I understand that in this country it’s fairly regular, normal even for middle-aged people, despite their status , lives, job or lack there of to just be fucking miserable because they have the right to. I feel like it ultimately winds up being directed more toward strangers in the end, not exactly sure why but there are a lot of angry ass strangers walking the streets giving each other the evil eye for no apparent reason. And it’s the bald middle age ones that seem to be the worst. Like if you have a decent job, pay your bills take care of your kids, why are you still so damn mad? So what if you teenage daughter Becky hates you and your wife spends too much of your money, teens hate everyone and well your wife probably deserves to spend your money .  Better yet, don’t get married or have kids if later on in life it’s just going to make you a mope-y piece of shit. I’m just saying. How is it that these people, with all that may be going on in their lives find the actual time and energy to be constantly grumpy or snappy at the mere sound of a baby crying in a public space. Or instantaneously irate because the guy in front of them at the red light didn’t pull a “fast and the furious” move when the light turned green…. 3 seconds ago?

First of all there are tons of reasons to simply be excited to be alive and live where we live. We live in a country where you can legally parade around with your tits hanging out on the streets of NYC (that is a fact by the way), be a lesbian loving vegan and owe Sally Mae more money for your student loans than your parents house is worth and still be allowed to somehow defer said loan for years on end.  We live in a country where the internet and cable tv is easily accessible to nearly every single person living here, legally or not. A country where we can actually exercise freedom of speech without fear of a hanging. A place where people get days off of work for holidays like “Presidents week” Bye. Most adults and children in this country don’t even know nor could they ever even name the last ten presidents to sit in office but enjoy your week off from school and work.

Oh and I think only recently did I discover that one of my biggest pet peeves are angry ass, bitchy ass, sloppy ass, basic bitches. Like I am so sorry, but if your even a little sensitive to harsh words perhaps moving on to the next part of this article may be best. My issue is with women out there who you can’t do a single thing to please, can’t do anything right in their eyes and they are always asking for more. I am talking about those women who hold grudges, don’t believe in anything good and never let anything go.Get over it and keep it pushing.

The women out there who want to complain about “baby weight” for the next 5 years after giving birth, yup, you too. Go to the gym or do some Pilates or maybe try a sit-up or two. It’s called exercise. And I get it, a woman’s body is not so easily molded back into its original form after the pushing out of a 8 pound kid from your vagina but how about we either try to embrace our bodies for what they are instead of complaining about it or work on making it look how you prefer. I believe there is nothing is more beautiful than a mother, whatever her shape but whining about some extra love handles is obnoxious. And if your man or anyone else has a problem with it they are worthless too.

The people who complain about being a mom or dad or harm their children as if being a parent isn’t a privilege, have mental instabilities. Like, there are plenty of other people who can’t have kids and would love yours if this is the case. If parenting, in all it’s glory, is so incredibly overwhelming you have other options!! Or better yet use a fucking condom if  you aren’t ready to handle children. They are gift, not a reason to save a relationship or things to be ignored and neglected.

And No I don’t want to hear about the struggle of working and paying bills in every other facebook post you make, cause we all have to do that folks. Everyone out there is trying to make ends meet and for those who aren’t, who cares about them. Worry about yourself. So simple.

There are way too many angry ass people out there with this issue with love. Don’t be mad because your relationships have failed and your too tired and lazy to invest in love again.  That’s not anyone’s fault, but your own. Cheer the fuck up. If you don’t like being hugged or touched, that’s ok but don’t complain about being unhappy, because guess what?….. YOU DON’T LIKE HUGS OR BEING TOUCHED!.A broken heart and spirit is part of the learning process of life you fools. And don’t then be mad at everyone else who is happy because they appreciate love, like affection from others, aren’t afraid to try again and who actually need human contact in their life.

Ever see those really young 20-something girls and boys who are angry? Like what do they have to be angry about? Cause your daddy won’t buy you a gold encrusted ipad case or because you’re an outcast and can’t find your way in the world? Either way, get over it, life is more than the small mishaps, troubles and problems that some young people seem to think will be the end of their very existence. It’s the crappy stuff that happens to us that helps make us stronger. And lots of us don’t have fathers or mothers so appreciate yours, whatever kind of person they are. Stop whining about your parents…..You only get one set so find whats good about them and appreciate that.

Just having the option to exercise the many possibilities in life in this country is enough to make me smile when I get up in the morning and should at least ease some of your inner misery too. Then there’s always the fact that whatever you think is going on with you, it could always be worse. And is in fact worse…. for like several hundreds of millions of other 3rd world goers. There are actual people who live in  places of the world with no water and zero food. Children out there who mine diamonds for people like us in our country but have no place to sleep at night. There are people in the world who are literally suffering through actual genocide and famine and Ebola. Like seriously, imagine if you had to worry about the possibility of being infected by every single person in your village because of everyone is infected.

Not always of course, but most times you need to get over yourself, look at the bigger picture and appreciate what you do have. And if your one of those super douche-y, rainbows and happiness make me puke kind of people and happen to be reading this article then you are well on your way to betterment in this area and to that , I firmly congratulate you.

 

❤ Cassandra

Crown Royal: Maple

Welcome to the first ride of the year on the Whiskey train! Happy New year everyone! Is it far too late in the month for that? Well anyhow, I am so excited about sharing my thoughts on this sweet gem. I decided well in the early fall back in old 2014 that I wanted to bring a honey whiskey to the “Whiskey Train” and only just got around to it. Much like beer, one of my favorite things about whiskey in general are the actual complexities of the spirit itself. There is so much more to whiskey than most people realize in terms of flavor and process. I hear all the time (from non whiskey drinkers) that frightened fear of it as though the moment you start sipping on the “dark liquor” you’ll turn into a raging lunatic on a Friday night with no memory of your actions in the morning. Now this can definitely occur but most avid whiskey drinkers have spent years and lots of tasting to figure out their perfect brand or mixture. It is actually a long road that requires diligence and focus..much like college. If you give up the journey you will never attain the knowledge in the end to apply elsewhere. Well that may be an exaggeration…hehe but you get my gist. Get into that bar and ask for a taste of something you haven’t had the guts to try before! Don’t be afraid to ask your local liquor purveyor for their opinion about that beautiful shelf of whiskey wonder! Enjoy!

-Did you know-

Crown Royal is a blended Canadian whiskey, yup and is 40% alcohol by volume putting it at 80 proof. It is also the top-selling Canadian whiskey in the United States, perhaps  even the world? Some say. And I was glad to find out it is only actually produced at the Crown Royal distillery which is located in Gimli, on the shores of beautiful Lake Winnipeg in Manitoba, Canada. It’s a good thing I don’t live near a distillery, because I am almost certain I would spend all my time attempting to get in there in the hopes of following the master distillers around with a little note pad asking a million questions, which would probably result in some kind of restraining order. 🙂

---

Don’t have the balls to drink it “On the Rocks”….. Well then, Let’s Mix it up! Here are 3 great mix cocktails using Maple Whiskey, A maple lemonade, A maple old fashioned and Maple cider. Yummy!

1 oz. Crown Royal Whiskey, lemonade to taste. Poured over ice and lots of lemons all in a high ball glass.

0.75 oz. Crown Royal Maple, 0.75 oz Bulleit rye, 1 tsp Demerara syrup, 2 dashes Angostura bitters, 1 dash whiskey barrel aged bitters. Combine all ingredients into cocktail shaker, strain into rocks glass, garnish with lemon and orange twist.

1.5 oz Crown Royal Maple, 2 oz Apple cider, Hot water ( to taste). Mix whiskey and cider in coffee mug, top off with hot water and garnish with a pat of butter and cinnamon stick.

With quiet notes of maple honey all throughout each sip, Crown Royal: Maple is the only honey flavored whiskey I really can enjoy without needing a  water back chaser. It’s doesn’t possess that overwhelming sweet flavor that makes some other honey whiskies unbearably sweet and thus rather undrinkable. Despite the fairly strong aroma, it has a subtle sweetness that makes it perfect for drinking it neat ( with no ice) and it carries a smoothness that forgoes that heartburn after feeling. I felt like I noticed some wonderful undertones of roasted nuts and that yummy-ness that is oak barrels when you first sip it. ♥ It’s kind of perfect for mid autumn weather wrapped in a knit sweater, sitting outside perhaps. It’s maple flavor is reminiscent of a time that has passed already, where the bees buzzed around the July flowers and the faint sounds of a golden retriever’s vociferous  laughs on the breeze that has just swept by your scope of hearing, only a moment ago. Anyhow, that’s how I felt when I enjoyed a glass or two of the maple. 🙂

 

---

 

A Royal Beginning- I have a borderline unhealthy obsession with all things having to do with the English monarchy throughout history. My favorite genre of books to read besides race-y sci-fi romance is historical fiction ( I’ll not bore you to death with the details) taking place in the English country side, revolving around any and everyone living near or around an English monarch during the 12th, 13th, 14th or 15th centuries. I’m getting to the point. In an attempt to write about Crown’s new maple variation of whiskey I came across some fabulous tid-bits that lend themselves to the history of one of my now favorite whiskies. So here it is. And as Elizabeth I is my favorite English monarch the start of Crown Royal began more than appropriately. Created by Seagram’s chairman Samuel Bronfman to celebrate King George VI and Queen Elizabeth’s visit to Canada for the first time, Crown Royal was the result. A smooth and unique blend of whiskey, it was a seemingly perfect gift. As they were royalty, you can imagine that just any old gift box would not do. And what would be more fitting than a bag of beautiful velvet made in nothing less than the color of royalty itself, purple, and then adorned with a drawstring of gold, as was the tradition in times of old.

Fun Facts- -Today 50 million purple bags are filled with a bottle of Crown Royal and shared with the world. -Crown Royal offers exclusive membership privileges if you become apart of their ” Society of the Crown”- which I think sounds amazing if your into not so secret societies. – Fabulously Crown Royal makes their signature velvet bags in the shape of hang-able Christmas stockings ( ho ho ho) – They even make camouflage crown royal bags to send over seas to all our troops, teaming up with the non-profit organization “Operation Troop”. Aid volunteers from all over the world stuff the bags with personal items, snacks and phone cards .

Look at this gem I found online! Via  www.butterfanliving.com   Now you go ahead and tell me what is better than cookies….I’ll wait. Cookies with booze in them! Yes that’s right folks, trolling the wonderful world-wide web I came across this cookie recipe with crown royal in it and after the initial upset that I didn’t come up with it myself, a wonderful happiness settled in because everyone loves cookies and now we can enjoy them in a new and decadent buzzed kind of way.                   Well this is your stop, hope you enjoyed the ride… See you soon. ❤ Cassandra                     

Crazy Costco Customers

So one of my favorite stores to vigorously shop in is Costco. And if you have never been to this store, let me briefly describe to you the wonders it holds. Costco is a super store the likes of which has never been seen, if you don’t include other similar stores that also provide the same service.

Firstly you must be a yearly member in which you are required to pay a reasonable fee, so it’s got that whole secret society thing going on except it’s not so secret. This fee that you pay by the year provides you with access to the any of its warehouse locations all over the country where you can buy high quality, name-brand goods at super discounted prices and you even get a members card. Fun! There are  several options for membership that you can choose from.  Business level 55$/yr, Goldstar 55$/yr or the very prominent Executive levels 110$/yr all include percentage and gift incentives for shopping there. Then once you are  a preferred member you have access to industrial quantities of wholesale goods of all kinds.

Need a new love seat made entirely of actual leather while also being in need of snow shoe covers? Well worry not because the couches are in the aisle next to dairy section where  you can buy your 2 % milk by the case. Exciting right? Yes I thought you would think so as well. This is obviously why I choose to shop there. And the very best part of the experience is that you wind up saving thousands of dollars throughout the year because the prices in which you purchase your goods at Costco are exponentially lower than a regular grocery store.

So if you have a family of ten and need to buy tuna fish in the can, by the pound then this is the perfect place for you. Like seriously you can buy your normal box of Cheerios except their not normal they are huge giant boxes that a small supermarket might purchase to supply their whole store with.

Now is where I actually get to the point of this article, because for every good I suppose there is a bad, for every Yang I guess a Ying is there lurking in the corner shadows. If that doesn’t make sense, I am about to go into an unnecessary rant on all the crazy ass Costco customers out there. Because for the all the benefits of Costco you could easily leave wanting to rip your hair out because of all the crazies who apparently also have an executive membership just like you. So I just figured I better warn folks.

1.Why are there so many extremely old ass people who need walkers, canes, electric scooters and such at a fucking giant warehouse parked in the aisles because the batteries have died on said electric scooters? Why? Now if this seems mean in any way at all I assure you it’s not. In every single Costco I have ever been to there are people like this lurking around and it’s not like they have come to the store with some family members to help them with their monthly groceries, they all congregate together, in the aisles sitting around doing nothing. I am not even sure if they go to Costco to actually shop. They never have any substantial amount of groceries. I only ever see them with like a case of apple juice or like one large bag of bananas. This store is not for you people. Go the shop-rite down the road if all you need get is stool softeners and ginger ale.

2. Another very frustrating genre of people who frequent Costco are whole entire families. Now I am a family kind of person and I also endorse and support shopping at such a place for a large family. In fact its more cost-effective every way you look at it. However what makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever is when a mother and father bring their  4 kids, 3 of their friends from soccer practice that afternoon, aunt penny who is single and tweeting pics of all the old people in the aisles and the stroller that they are pushing around without an actual kid in it. Like, are you kidding me? With that many presumably capable adults why can’t one of them stay home and watch the kids. They run around the store grabbing large toys, because Costco also carries toys, that aren’t on the grocery list.

3. Which brings me to the number 3. People who insist on coming to Costco with an actual grocery list but don’t actually use it at all. So if this sounds like a gripe that I have that is imaginary I can assure you it is not. Let me explain. These people stand in the fresh food section or the snack aisle looking at their grocery list then back at the shelves as if to decide whether or not to purchase said snacks or fresh food items. So my theory is if you have to think about buying fresh vegetables that are clearly not on your list than you probably aren’t even going to eat them so keep it pushing. And if you’re debating on whether to buy the 8 pound bag of Lays potato chips and dip and you clearly don’t have those 8 kids then the chips are just for you and you need to also keep it pushing. Head to the fresh food section maybe. Bringing  a list to a giant warehouse grocery store and not using it is dangerous for those of us who constantly run into you by accident with our cart because you can’t decide whether or not to be healthy today.

4. This conveniently brings me to number 4. You can’t park your cart in the aisle all crooked and in the way of every other person in the store who is also trying to shop. You can’t do this in any store. Well I suppose you can but it’s so rude and inconsiderate of communal space that everyone has to share. And the worst part of people like this is that when you actually politely clear your throat or say “pardon me” in a sweet voice to alert them to the fact that you need to get by, they just fucking stand there. And you know you know what I am talking about. They literally just stand there, or my favorite, they will put their hands on the cart and slightly bend their elbows pretending to move their cart to the side. Like I saw you! You didn’t actually move at all. It’s crazy. I am super polite person. I have impeccable manners actually, which is my downfall I suppose because I usually wind up standing there waiting for the person to finally acknowledge my need to get by.

5. Bathrooms in Costco are actually really clean, on a superior level in regards to public bathrooms. And you can trust me on this as an avid non public bathroom user. Like I will actually risk kidney failure due to holding my pee because I refuse to use a public bathroom. I’d rather pee in the woods than a gross public bathroom. It actually gives me anxiety to even think about using one. Having said that when I go into a Costco their bathrooms save me from an anxiety attack, which is good. What is not goo are those women who choose to go into the Costco bathrooms to fix their makeup. You can not seriously be thinking that you need to fix your eyeliner at this type of grocery store. There are no single men to pick up in the vegetable aisle. I mean Costco has a food court area, so maybe you could troll the food court for a possible grocery store pick up but I honestly frown at the options. I saw a women hog a mirror in a Costco bathroom during very busy Friday afternoon hours drying her hair under the hand dryer. Why on earth is your hair wet and further more why is it you think it’s ok to dry your hair in this particular public bathroom? Bye and bye! I am sure I don’t have to explain how incredibly upset I was that day, especially since all I really needed to do was dry my damn hands so I could continue shopping. I never dried my hands that day and wound up wiping my hands on my jeans.

6. Ohhhh just wait for this. Have you ever been standing in line, in any store and someone stands directly behind you all up on your ass like you forgot to call them the day after? Well if you have not then lucky you but every single damn time I go into Costco this happens to me. Mostly in the return line in customer section. I am not sure why everyone in the return line is so upset. I mean maybe it’s because those snow pants you bought in a size medium didn’t fit or something but that is no excuse to take that out on other folks just trying to also return their ill-fitting snow pants. Why do you need to stand so close behind me that I can actually feel you breathing on my neck? Why is your cart hitting me in the heels? Like are you going to replace my shoes because you have just scuffed them all up due to the 7 times you just hit me in the heels with your cart? No, probably not and I usually just give the very polite over my shoulder side look as to notify the person that they are literally making me so uncomfortable, I might just keep these pants even though they are the wrong size. Just stand back from me, you will get to the front of the line exactly after I have gotten there because you are behind me and so breathing on me all close like will not get you there faster as I have no choice in how fast the line moves.

7. To those parents who do decide to bring their children into Costco this one is directed towards you. So if you have a 6-10 year old who still throws tantrums then by this age you already know how they act in public places. Don’t bring them out into public places. So simple. If you already know your kid will lay on the ground in the middle of the aisle I need to get down and your one of those good parents who refuses to spank their kids in public as not to seem like a bad parent, then please leave them at home. I don;t really give a shit honestly if you can’t afford a babysitter. Give them some baby Benadryl or some candy or something that will help them behave. If your 8-year-old is still snotting all over the products in the store because you won’t buy them that toy that will probably break in a month anyways then you have a problem , clearly. And if you can’t afford a babysitter while you shop you certainly can’t afford that toy you wind up buying them to get them to stop wiggling on the floor in Costco because your embarrassed. I think they might deliver. Not sure but I definitely will find out for those reading this in dire need of delivery service due to wildly tantrum prone children.

8. Number 8 isn’t an actually about crazy Costco customers. It’s about crazy Costco cash register people who ask you if you need a bag. Now this may sound odd if you have never shopped there before. So everything you buy there, usually, comes in very large plastic wrapped boxes and such. Most things simply just don’t require a bag: a 10 pound bottle of ketchup, you just put it in your car. You can’t really bag anything. As a matter of fact I have been to many a Costco where they don’t use bags for this exact reason but I guess they can provide you with a bag for smaller electronic items or jewelry or something. The point though is that almost everything that you are going to buy at Costco will be put directly back into your cart, once purchased then directly into your car. So stop asking me if I need a bag for my giant case of blueberries, that’s it.

9. As a person who neither drives regularly nor has enjoyed driving when necessary, this is not discriminatory. I don’t have a car but you absolutely cannot shop at Costco without some type of vehicle to then transport your many items into. So there are some Crazy Costco Customers who don’t have a car so they call for a cab. Which in theory is fine and dandy and works if you’re an organized person. However there are some people who will buy multiple carts worth of goods then exit the store and park their carts directly in the entrance section. Now to understand what I am talking about you must first know that Costco has a separate entrance and exit for this exact reason, to keep the multitudes of people coming and going  organized. But if you park your 2 and 3 carts in the entrance while you wait for the cab that you should have called while you were waiting in line to pay then this is bad for everyone. Then these same people become irate with you when you politely say “excuse me” as to get buy so you can put your items in your car in the parking lot. Like, I have seen people give me to devil stare like I just burned down their home or something because they have to move their crap because they are in the worst place ever to stand. Just saying.

10. Finally, and if you are still with me then I appreciate your commitment to my Random Rant section. Finally, for those people in Costco who insist on opening boxed non-food items to check for whatever your checking for, you have to stop this. Or at the very least can you please it back into its factory sealed box. Like, stop ripping open things that are in that super thick plastic that you usually need scissors to open. How are you even opening them? I don’t get it. If you need to open a pair of headphones that require scissors or teeth to open then don’t buy it if the description on the box isn’t sufficient. How about take it home and see if it works then bring it back if it doesn’t work. Costco has a wonderful return policy. It makes no sense to me and pisses me off mostly because it’s always the item that I want to purchase that’s ripped open all to hell. You can buy bras at Costco, and once I was attempting to get a pack of bras that seemed like a good deal and of course the size I needed, every box was ripped open as if someone decided they would try them on first. Go to Victoria Secret if you need try things on. This store is not for you.

Anyhow, I love Costco but you crazy super horrid warehouse shoppers need to get it together so all of us shoppers and browse, buy and leave in happiness and peace. 🙂

❤ Cassandra

 

Beer of the month: Green Man Esb Special Amber Ale, NC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had the pleasure of discovering this North Carolina beer while actually visiting North Carolina. A friend of ours, Jake, whose knowledge and love of beautifully brewed beer rivals my own actually put me onto the Greenman and for that I am ever grateful. Brewed in Ashville, NC, the bottle and website explain it as an interpretation of a traditional English style beer. It’s got a blend of British malts and hops that tastes to me, really very nutty at first but had lasting caramel flavor after a few sips. I wouldn’t call this a ESB beer per se but more of an amazing dark amber ale. It’s not very hoppy as you might initially think but nevertheless worth a taste. It’s a beautiful medium amber color and has an ABV of  5.5%. It’s surprisingly fresh tasting and I genuinely loved every moment of this beer.

It’s one of those brews that perfect to crack open after you have a particularly hard day at work, had a super long late night and a bubble bath and some wine just will not do. That’s when you have a Green man.

A bit about the brewery

Greenman Brewery has been doing its thing since 1997 and is one of Ashville’s oldest breweries. Located in the awesome downtown area that I had the pleasure of strolling through on a beautiful 60 degree December day. They apparently intend on expanding in 2015, which will include a giant packaging hall some 18,000 square feet big, a retail store and an outdoor ale garden overlooking the mountains which can only be described by a better poet than myself or the picture below.

The mountains of North Carolina, near Ashville and the surrounding towns are honestly some of the most beautiful I have ever seen. Its breathtaking.

 

They now craft seasonal brews and specialty brews alike, which is awesome for all you year round drinkers.

Interesting fun facts

In browsing their website and others I found an explanation for what exactly a “Green Man’ is, which I thought to be pretty interesting. It can be a sculpture, drawing or other representation of an actual mans face covered in green leaves making up his hair, ears and/or beard or any other part of the face. Branches can sprout from the nostrils or ears. The “Green Man” is also apparently a name in England for public houses as well. Who knew.

Some health stuff

•  Green Man never adds corn syrup of any kind

• They occasionally  add fruit, chocolate or brown sugars for speciality beers but it is always stated as such on the actual bottle or in the beers description.

• They filter many of their brews but not extensively as the Green Man peeps believe their beer is much tastier this way and more unique as a result. On this I would have to concur.

• Their hops and barley, though not organically grown, are chemical free, GMO free and additive free, which always a good thing!

Hope you enjoyed this months beer favorite because I sure as hell enjoyed tasting it, every time I tasted it.

❤ Cassandra