BonJour my loves.
Today I was thinking about some of the travel opportunities I might have in the coming year. In deep thought I sat conjuring up all the scary and really relevant reasons for not flying in this day and age despite the fact that flying is still the safest way, statistically, to travel. I soon realized that my new-found fears and anxiety of flying are really nothing compared to my old upsets of the flying process (in regards to other people.) So of course a fabulous list has come about, that I think everyone should read and then apply where necessary, as to help people like me, whose anxiety about flying is caused more or less by an abundance of inconsiderate airline patrons.
So here we go.
Reasons why I won’t fly:
ONE. Most people would agree that children are a blessing. A firm congratulations if you have come to this realization and to the lucky parents out there fortunate enough to have kids. However, if your kids are like most kids and run around happily oblivious to the effect their high-pitched, scratchy voices have on people, then perhaps a family trip in an RV would be more suitable?!?. Parents, if you don’t yet possess the ability to encourage your children to behave like actual humans in crowded public spaces like an airport, instead or feral beasts, then perhaps a rental car or pre-existing car-pooling system to your destination might be more appropriate.
TWO. As a fully grown person no one has a healthier appreciation for a good glass of liquid courage/relaxation than me. However, you frequent flyers out there who insist on getting unbelievably obliterated at the airport bar only to then inhale 15 gin and tonics on your flight, sloshing around belligerently make an already anxious situation worse. How about save that for St. Patrick’s Day or get a prescription for an anti-anxiety med like Xanax like a normal person.
THREE. Being a flight attendant, I believe is not only an awesome and interesting profession but its important as well. Having said that, surprisingly I’ve come across way too many flight attendants who have forgotten that they indeed are responsible for the safety and calm of the passengers. You can’t be rude and mean. Because quite frankly for those of us already nervous flyers, we rely almost fully on the flight attendants to make us feel relaxed and calm once we have boarded the plane. So, how about stop gossiping in the corner of the plane before we take off and make sure we all have our seat belts on and maybe even crack a smile or two. It makes all the difference in the world. 🙂 Just saying.
FOUR. The possible chance of contracting Ebola or some other such disease, virus or pathogen. You wouldn’t think this would be a reason not to fly in this country but apparently it is these days. Enough said. #hazmatsuit
FIVE. I have a really unhealthy fear of using public toilets. This includes airport bathrooms. This is the one place I feel like the bathrooms in the world should be the cleanest, seeing that tens of thousands of people use them daily. However before I fly I literally won’t have any water for like a full day in the hopes I won’t have to use the bathroom once I arrive at the airport because the general cleanliness of most of them is non-existent. It’s actually pretty horrifying how dirty they generally are. So I understand that unemployment is still at an all time 6 year low, so maybe we should think of hiring more cleaning people for the airport bathrooms to maybe get that number up. Just a thought. Oh but in the event you suffer from this same fear you can purchase a public toilet survival kit. Yes, it’s real and you’re welcome.
SIX. Here is a good one. Remember when it was like almost free to check a normal size bag in before your flight? Well it’s like 25$ to check any bag at all under 50 pounds now. And a whole lot more money if your bag weighs more than 50 pounds. I am not sure how a piece of luggage could weigh that much but that isn’t the point. The price in plane tickets hasn’t seemed to gone down significantly so I am not sure why the price for checked luggage has gone up. Maybe to pay for the extra fuel needed to carry all the extra heavy 50 plus pound bags. hmmmm.
SEVEN. Those people on a Jet Blue flight who think its cool to lean their chairs all the way back until it’s ramming into your knee caps causing you excruciating pain. You know who you are!!!. It’s not like you can get too forward about your personal comfort on a plane for fear of causing a scene. You want everyone to be comfortable, after all, we all paid for our ticket. But like, what about my knees? I am not even close to being tall and I have had this problem on Jet Blue flights many a time. We all fly Jet Blue because in general they have lots of flights all over the country for what I assume are decent prices but that also means there isn’t a ton of room either. This isn’t American Airlines. Your not flying to China on one of those fancy schmancy planes where your seat converts into an actual bed so how about we look behind us before lowering our seat and maybe take into consideration the fact that we may be ruining someones perfectly good knee caps just to get a few hours sleep on our flight to Cali.
This list isn’t all I have to randomly rant about in regards to this topic but I figured by number 6 or 7 you’d probably get the point. 🙂
Happy and safe flying to all.