Happy September people. This is the time of year when here on the East coast the weather is supposed to begin to turn a bit chilly. The perfect time for mulled ale, autumn vests and great IPA’s, however it’s 92 degrees today and the lesson of the day is how to turn your indoor video gaming seclusion into a progressive thing here in a newer category of my “Random Rants” section appropriately titled “Cassandra’s Do’s and Don’ts”.
One of my many talents in life is the ability to be a bad ass in video games. Surprised? Well don’t be, I love ‘Call of Duty’ and ‘Battlefield’ almost as much as my strong affinity for Hello Kitty, all things pink and baking. Having said that, the game of Battlefield, which I play on my X-box One, is one to be tackled with an organized team mentality when played online in multi-player mode. However I find that some of you folks refuse to apply the strategies for team success when playing. So I decided to make a little list of do’s and don’ts to help all those that are ruining my gaming experience.
1. Large conquest maps- please Don’t sit and camp out in a corner of the map and snipe people the whole round. Large conquest maps during online multi-player mode have 60 people with two teams of 30. Each team then has a squad made up of a maximum of 5 people. This isn’t a camping trip with Joe, Mick and Willy with hot dogs burning on the flames. This is a multi-player team effort to conquer and hold enemy bases. So get it together people.
2. Don’t stand in front of me when I’m trying to shoot down the enemy. Those of you who play this game will be familiar with the board named “Operation Metro”. In this board the layout is that of a very long railroad style facility where all the players are funneled into the middle of the board shooting and running around like crazy hoping to hit a player. Despite your skill level almost everyone winds up doing well for this reason. Well, there are some players who just stand in front of everyone else dying and re-spawning back in the same place only to get in front of all my awesome shots. So just stop it.
3. Don’t use your defibrillator to revive me unless you are going to also throw down a health pack. Thanks. Just don’t do it, being revived in an area where there are no health packs means I will be shot again and then I will die and that ruins my damn stats. Ok thanks.
4. On that note stop reviving people in the middle of a hectic area like “Operation Metro” where people are grenade happy and then I am blown up for a second time. How about using some damn strategy and reviving people who can and should be.
5. Please learn how to use your ear pieces/headphones. If you use Turtle beaches (Like I do) or some other super pair of expensive headphones while your gaming, read the instructions and figure out how the volume and mute buttons work. I don’t need to hear your 6-year-old child in the background yelling that they are hungry while we play. Or your wife screaming for you to “get off those video games”. Don’t be a dead beat dad, feed your kids, mute your mic then come back and play later folks.I can’t tell you how many times I have overheard people calling out sick from work while they are in the middle of playing Battlefield.
6. No tank parking. Some player may not know what this is so I shall explain. It’s when someone from the opposing team sits in a tank just outside the parameters of one of your bases but also within the “red zone” where your team isn’t allowed to go. This would be a fine tactic if people didn’t just sit there for the entire match, which can last up to an hour and kill the opposing teams members over and over. It’s not cheating per se however it only highlights your lack of gameplay skill and yes it is also very annoying.
7. How about stop using air burst for an entire match. And you pussies who do this know what I mean. As a result of people who pay for servers to provide an awesome custom gaming experience for those of us who don’t now make rules banning all kinds of weapons like the air burst gun because these fools are running around abusing it.
8. If what turns you on is riding around in helicopters for the entirety of a game there is a mode called “air superiority”. Use it, learn it and live it. Get your game up if you wanna come into servers with me and learn how to shoot your damn gun. I am tired of being shot down by single passenger attack helicopters.
9. Do not cheat in bf4. There is absolutely no need for this. If hacking is what sends your panties aflame fuck your whole life and play Call of duty. 🙂
10. Don’t be that douchebag on the squad talking shit about your team when your kill score is at zero and your deaths are 28. Get your game up suckas. We should be supportive of our team members, specifically because there are so many minors playing and as an adult I just feel a small responsibility to not berate or put down those on my team in a derogatory way. Join a private gaming session with your adult friends if you want to curse and carry on at every member of your team despite the fact that you suck.
Perhaps this list might a bit intense for video gaming but I can assure you at the prices people pay for their systems, controllers, headphones and games ensure that most of us actually care about the environment of each and every game we play. Don’t ruin it by being a jerk-off. 🙂